Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Wake up Call

So, Monday, I was outside the unemployment office... I mean, the library. I was reading a city ordnance about noise pollution in English and Korean (one of the few chances I get to bone up on my language skills outside the menu at the Korean Barbecue), when a young man of about 20 years approached me. First, he bummed a cigarette. The smoker's code dictates that if you have more than one then fork it over. I gave him a cigarette and turned back to reading, not particularly interested in engaging in conversation. He , however, had a different plan for the next three minutes of my life. I was to be regaled with tales of... suitably ironic adjectives fail me. So here's approximately how the conversation went...

Him: Hey. You remember Woody Woodpecker? You know? The cartoon.

At this point he was reaching for his cellphone. Alarms were going off. Big alarms. Flashy red-light alarms. Germans bombing London alarms. This guy was about to show me pictures of Woody Woodpecker fucking something.

Me: Yeah.

Him: Heh heh. Check this out.

He showed me a picture of Woody Woodpecker fucking a woman doggy-style.

Me: Inspiring.

Him: Yeah, now I have to send it to all my friends. And then I'll get a bunch of text messages and people will be like "What the fuck?" Heh heh.

Thomas Edison would be proud. This guy has friends.

Me: Maybe.

Him: And the really fucked up thing is my girl has the car, so I have to wait for her to pick me up.

The really fucked up thing is the three day waiting period to purchase firearms at Wal-Mart. He has friends and a girlfriend. There is no hope.

It's okay to laugh at Woody Woodpecker fucking someone when you're thirteen, that stuff was hilarious. 'Was' being the operative word. Eventually though, you've got to grow up. It doesn't seem like enough people are growing up. I guess I could say something about opportunities in America... but Christ, I have a feeling I'd just end up sounding more like an elitist prick. There's got to be a way to unlearn stupid.

Thankfully, this encounter helped me come to a realization. I need to make something out of my life quickly, or I'm going to be surrounded by pictures of beloved cartoon characters fucking things until I die.

College, gainful employment... here I come. That'll teach me for hanging out in front of the library.


Alejandra said...

I love this so much. And you've already made much more of yourself than some people I knew in college...they'll never get past woody woodpecker...

Ryan Placchetti said...

Thanks, I hope you're right.

I think I'm about to pass on a lucrative job opportunity so I can go to college and unlearn some of my nastier social habits.

saramosa said...

oops I forgot about the social interaction part.

saramosa said...

wait a second where'd my other comment go? the oops doesn't make sense without the other comment....gah fuck it.....good read good luck.

Gene said...

i like the header.

reminds me of the "if i were to kill myself it would be two bullets from two different pistols so the projectiles collide in my brain" discussion